It may be a lunatic you’re looking for.
It may be the gingerbread man,
But we’re Singin’ cockles and muscles alive-alive-o
and we all know that the candy man can.
If you were a rich man, you’d fiddle-d-dee.
And you’d be singin’ sun rise and sunset.
She’d be an actress and you‘d be a crooning man.
We’d all be in the cast of Kismet.
You wouldn’t be rich and you wouldn’t be famous,
Cause she is a waitress and you drive a cab.
You wouldn’t be a union member,
Oh no for sure you’d be a scab..
Your x-wife has no visible means of support.
So your alimony you simply must pay.
You go to church once in a while,
Cause you’re worried and lordy you’d pray.
You’d move to sun valley and hide in the shade.
You’d get a drug dealer on speed dial,
You’d get high and get frisky don’t you know.
You’d have a false sense of security and relax for a while.
Then the cops would come and take you away.
and your bond you certainly couldn’t pay.
You spend all you money on the lottery
And you’d pay to play.
So when you get out you’d think you were free.
You served your sentence and you ain’t got a thin dime.
You’d go to rehab and struggle and struggle.
You’d go to a shrink and talk about your crime.
But the ides of march they are upon you.
You’re time is running out.
Let me tell your really a looser,
And I certainly know what I’m talking about.
It may be a lunatic your lookin’ for,
I guess that’s really what I am.
Cause I Got caught with my hand in the till,
Now I’m really in a jam.
It may be the gingerbread man,
But we’re Singin’ cockles and muscles alive-alive-o
and we all know that the candy man can.
If you were a rich man, you’d fiddle-d-dee.
And you’d be singin’ sun rise and sunset.
She’d be an actress and you‘d be a crooning man.
We’d all be in the cast of Kismet.
You wouldn’t be rich and you wouldn’t be famous,
Cause she is a waitress and you drive a cab.
You wouldn’t be a union member,
Oh no for sure you’d be a scab..
Your x-wife has no visible means of support.
So your alimony you simply must pay.
You go to church once in a while,
Cause you’re worried and lordy you’d pray.
You’d move to sun valley and hide in the shade.
You’d get a drug dealer on speed dial,
You’d get high and get frisky don’t you know.
You’d have a false sense of security and relax for a while.
Then the cops would come and take you away.
and your bond you certainly couldn’t pay.
You spend all you money on the lottery
And you’d pay to play.
So when you get out you’d think you were free.
You served your sentence and you ain’t got a thin dime.
You’d go to rehab and struggle and struggle.
You’d go to a shrink and talk about your crime.
But the ides of march they are upon you.
You’re time is running out.
Let me tell your really a looser,
And I certainly know what I’m talking about.
It may be a lunatic your lookin’ for,
I guess that’s really what I am.
Cause I Got caught with my hand in the till,
Now I’m really in a jam.